Old Lady Smackdown aka Bingo: Part Five: Addiction Complete

Our story began with Old Lady Smackdown aka Bingo: Part One: Players Get Ready To Rumble and concludes with part five below.

Break ends with the caller announcing “Triple Bingo – No Corners – Wild Number.” This means you need three lines of Bingo on the same card without using the corners. You don’t understand the wild part until the caller says, “I-65” when you see all the numbers ending in 5 light up on the board. You start stamping away and see you already have one Bingo line on one card and the game has barely begun. Convinced you are going to win this game, you start wiggling in your seat waiting to pounce the second that number comes up on the screen. You shiver in antici……pation and then bam!

Stamp, stamp, stamp, closer, and closer to a win. You ignore the intimidating stamping of the others and focus on your card and the numbers. You’re one number away, and there it is again. “Bingo from the basement.” That’s it. You are ready to move down to the basement. Apparently, they got all the good cards. Must be all the lectors or church volunteers or something. People who are “connected.” You start figuring out that there must be some Bingo mafia now because you haven’t won. This is the only logical conclusion.

The bitterness continues through the evening despite the surge of hope at the beginning of every game. Much like Vegas, there are no clocks so when you finally check the time, you are shocked to see it is 10:45p with one game left. You want to yell, “isn’t it past all of your bedtimes?” so maybe they will leave. They probably slept all day to be fresh for this, and besides, you’re the only one yawning.

The final game comes and goes. You are thirty-one dollars lighter, tired, hungry, and bitter that either the Don of Bingo or the gods of Bingo didn’t smile upon you this night. You clean up your area and head for the door thinking of how you’re going to win next week. Is it easier to appease the gods of Bingo or the Bingo mafia? Either way, if you win one game, you’ll still be up $219. Of course, that’s not counting the $31 you’ll need for next weeks entry, but you could win more than once easily enough. The reality that you didn’t win anything this time doesn’t even enter your mind. All you see is all the money you think you will be earning the following week. The addiction is complete.

Thus ends this tale of hope and woe known to all as Bingo. There is a rumor of a Rock’n’Bingo game at a bar in Los Angeles on Sundays run by a member of Weezer. Can you imagine a bunch of drunk little old ladies screaming out “That’s not Weezer! Weezer is a 5-foot tall woman who lectors at the 8a mass.”

If you enjoyed this story, you might want to check out these shorter ones:

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